Monkey Stock Market

Ruperts mochachino was cold for the second day running. Somebodys ass was going to get fired.

Rupert was a dilligent little chimpanzee with aspirations of becoming one of the hot shots on the jungle stock exchanges trading floor. Of course it's tough to get noticed when all you have to deal in are bananas and the only way to trade is by flinging your own faeces at the other go getting primates but he stuck at it knowing one day that big break would come his way.
Benjamin and Sebastian two up and coming young orangutans were fast climbing their way to the top of the hairy assed stockbrokers ladder, mostly due to their long powerful arms making them well adapted to chucking crap really hard. Most of their crap seemed to find Rupert and he was finding it difficult to stand out from the crowd. Being a clever little chimp though Rupert had diversified his portfolio and as well as bananas he had set up several offshore accounts to deal in nuts, berries and the twigs that gorillas like to pick their teeth and scratch their arses with.
One day Ruperts big chance arrived - the big crash of 98 or yellow turning black and mushy Thursday as it came to be known.
Paul Gascoigne the cheeky/depressed/knockabout/alcoholic former footballer was on an expedition in the area tracing his ethnic heritage when he got a bit peckish and ate half the years banana crop, drank some Malibu and set fire to the other half whilst lighting his own farts. Needless to say the simian stockbrokers were ruined apart from Rupert who immediately pushed the prices of berries, nuts and twigs through the roof and made an absolute killing.
Rupert now employs six floor workers of his own to throw turds for him and strangely Benjamin and Sebastian seem to take the brunt of it.
So work hard little monkeys and one day you too may be able to avoid the shit life throws at you on a daily basis whilst dumping on others from a great height. Revolution through evolution, monkey commerce for everyone.