Welcome to Sheppey.

Smell that country air.

Welcome to the Isle of Sheppey,a place akin to being the never mentioned mongrel brother of the Isle of Wight.If you've never been before you're in for a real treat-80'000 Londoners every summer can't be wrong(rude,stupid and oblivious but never wrong,just ask them.)
For a soundbite of what Sheppey has to offer no-one has summed it up better than local MP and Vacant Expression magazines man of the year Eric Diretwat when he said"Where?".
Why not come and stay on one of our well appointed caravan sites(pictured above)or shanty towns well within choking distance of local sites of disinterest such as the historic steel mill.Still in use today and very handily located on the edge of the highly populated Sheerness town centre,not hidden away from view as some more shortsighted councils and planners would have done-fools.
The island as a whole and Sheerness in particular are making great strides toward giving something back to Britain and are leading the way in unemployment,drugs offences and over the past couple of years have contributed tirelessly towards the national murder rate statistics-no easy achievement.
Leysdown is the holiday hotspot of the island and not a generic description of the young ladies of the area as many visitors seem to believe.Located in the bottom corner it is affectionately known to islanders as "the arsehole end"due to the amount of shite that ends up there and a title claimed famously in a narrow vote recount from Rushenden the previous holder.
For the youth of the area there are many chav magnets(you may know them as public benches)located outside off licenses,shops and takeaways guaranteeing a spot of ritual abuse and intimidation for any lucky passer by.
For developers Sheppey has a pioneering approach to help make the most of the many greenfield sites.Despite lacking many basic ammenities and services building continues apace and should something as trivial as a pre agreed restriction stand in the way of a big fat profit local government will happily tear it up and probably give them a subsidy for the trouble.
So come to Sheppey,a mass of oppurtunity for anyone-who doesnt actually live there.

For all the surreal writings I have posted this is easily the most non fictional work I have written,proof indeed that truth is stranger than fiction.Hush now I hear the soft scrabbling of stoat claws,ready the stickle bricks.(see early churlish post,Less a place more a state of mind)

Dont forget to order the exclusive Welcome to Sheppey merchandise including t-shirts,badges and stickers from the churlish shop.Just follow the churlish merchandise link on the right of this page to be on the frontline of fatalistic fashion.