A Complete load of Warlocks.

In the latest move by large scale employers to dip into the cheap labour market B&Q announced it was to begin taking on mythical creatures across stores nationwide.A spokesman for the store stated "After successful trials we find employing fantastical beasts ideal in the competitive market today.Contrary to popular belief goblins steal very few children and eat only a small proportion of those they cant sell on to the witches,who by the way have been a revelation on the paint mixing machine.And since we began using trolls as security guards thefts are down ninety percent although we believe the other ten percent can be traced back to an HR error whereby dwarves were wrongly placed in the garden tools department."

It has not all been plain sailing though with some of the fairytale folk speaking out and accusing the diy store of using scare tactics to bully employees.An imp running the wallpaper section of one shop told us"I asked about the pension scheme and double time on bank holidays.They said I was a troublemaker and if I didn't return to work immediately they would stop believing in me."

Homebase reacted to the news by invoking a hidden clause in its existing employees contracts whereby they must submit themselves to the experiments of a "mad" professor.Homebase claim its improved workforce each with four arms,four legs but still one head will double productivity whilst halving the wage bill.

Bert Trampoline store manager of Focus do it all Lambeth said on hearing the latest developments "If you come round ere one more time talkin shit and not buyin nuffin I'm gonna cut ya,understaaaand."