A step up in class.

Essential for attracting filthy beasts


As I awoke this morning to find myself covered in vomit and surrounded by the bodies of my sworn enemy the devious and sexually potent marmoset a thought permeated the brainpan neath my misty mindscape,Monday nights are getting a bit routine.Next week I shall have to spice things up a bit or risk getting stuck in a rut.So I crawled crablike out of my palatial wigwam/traffic cone and caught a lift into town by flagging down a passing chaffinch named Simon.Quid pro quo,a ride for a mention on the blog-job done my feathered maestro of shallow orbit.
First on the list was to obtain a snappy outfit from the local boutiquery.A platform shoe,moleskin codpiece and burberry cap ensemble seemed to fit the bill as I would need to blend in with the local wildlife and I must admit left me feeling rather dapper.Next I dropped into the local shaftmakers to purchase a stout oaken rod which I believe will be essential for this particular pursuit.Finally the travel agents(local naturally)to book a seat on the hovercraft which will ferry me to my exotic destination.I feel sure by now you will have guessed that I am soon to join the ranks of the Canvey Island Pig Pokers,a society gaining steadily in popularity due to the sterling work of the many websites dedicated to the sport.So come on down and join me as I stride along the boulevarde in my elevated pumps,stroking my furry sack blanket whilst swinging my big stick to and fro in time to the traditional mantra "Alwight darlin,d'ya fancy a bit o that then!".Apparentley the pigs show no fear or apprehension towards the hunting garb and practically trample you for the chance of a stiff poking.Never fear for I am a man of great stamina and providing my weapon remains firm I shall poke as many pigs as I can for as long as I possibly can,I will not go down without a fight!
Next Monday cannot come quickly enough,the marmosets have had a lucky reprieve...for now.