PILOT TV

Totally wankered on happy tubes.


As many of you will know before a programme is aired on national television a pilot episode is recorded and shown to a test audience.Their reactions to this pilot determine if there are to be any changes made or even if the programme will see the light of day at all.
Now a new television channel-PILOT TV(Sky channel 951)will be exclusively showing these previously unbroadcast nuggets of solid gold entertainment.A lot of these shows will be familiar to you if a little different to the finished product you know so well.We now proudly premier our first schedule:

18:30 FIFTEEN TO ONE.
Two teams battle against the clock and each other to build an exact replica of the planet earth at a scale of 15:1.The winning team will have their own theory on the creation of the universe scientifically proven by professor Stephen Hawking before having it published in his new book-Utter bollocks you can never hope to understand.

19:00 DIY SOS.
Lowri Turner and some scruffy bloke with more tips and advice for hardcore self abusers.

19:30 HOW TO BE AN UPHILL GARDENER.
Alan Titchmarsh and Dale Winton show how to plant your seed in a dank dirty hole.Tonight Alan is carrying out routine maintenance on the greenhouse.So while he is busy greasing up his back door,Dales got his hands full giving Alans filthy old tool a long overdue spit and polish.

20:00 TOP GEAR.
This week Clarkson & Co travel to the coffee shops of Amsterdam and get off their tits on some powerful grass.James May suffers a bout of the munchies and eats Richard Hammond when he mistakes him for a walnut whip.Clarkson giggles til he does a wee in his pants.

21:00 MATCH OF THE DAY.
The Swan Vesta.