TWO THUMBS RIGHT UP
With the success of Pilot TV(sky channel 951)follows Screener TV(channel 952).Showing all the films you love in their original unedited formats including visions of brilliance from some of the worlds greatest directors before the money men got their calculators out and ruined them or in their profit driven myopia cancelled them altogether.So sit back in wonder as we present an art in its purest form.
17:00-HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE:
A young Harry and his pals are entrusted by Dumbledore with the safekeeping of a curling stone once owned by Plato.They foolishly enter the inter house curling cup and almost beat Slytherin in the final until Harry hastily uses Platos stone and becomes clinically depressed trying to fathom out the futility of existence.Furious, Hermione refuses to let Harry copy her homework for a week while Ron kills his owl then shits in his pillowcase.
Churlish rating-12 monkeys
Verdict-Woh,Woh,Woh its magic.
19:00-LAIRD OF THE RINGS:
A brave young Scot living in Aberdeen discovers his destiny is to form a heroic group of adventurers and travel halfway across a faraway kingdom to destroy an evil ring of immense power,but cant be arsed when he finds it will affect his dole.
Churlish rating-20,000 leagues under the sea
Verdict-You shall not pass.
20:30-THE MEAN MACHINE:
Starring Tom Hanks in oscar winning form as a soft drink vending machine which becomes sentient after a freak electrical storm then refuses to refund any monies or give correct change.
Churlish rating-101 dalmations.
Verdict-Same shit Tom,different day.
22:00-PRIDE & PREJUDICE:
Samuel L Jackson stars as Sgt John Pride,an unorthadox LAPD cop who'll do whatever it takes to get the job done.
Whilst busting a crooked gang of scientists specialising in dodgy string theory he is sucked into an unstable wormhole and finds himself in England in 1797 inside the Bennett household.
In dealing with the misunderstandings and cultural diversity a black Los Angeles cop might expect to find in regency society(with hilarious consequences)John Pride becomes close to the five Bennett girls and vows to protect them from the advances of the rogue Mr Darcy.
Darcy is duly dispatched with extreme prejudice upon making the grevious error of greeting Sgt Pride with the regrettable phrase"What ho coco,got any jam".
Churlish rating-2 fast,2furious.
Verdict-Royale with cheese.
00:00-SMOKEY & THE BANDIT:
New York construction worker John "Smokey" Smoke(Tom Cruise)unwittingly becomes a gay icon after being pictured having a fizzy drink with his shirt off whilst on his break.His popularity leads to him being stalked by a psychopathic homosexual serial killer(Keanu Reeves)who has viciously bummed his last 6 victims to death.Tense edge of your seat thrills and as you would expect,an acting tour de force.
Churlish rating-9 and 1/2 weeks
Verdict-A pain in the arse.
17:00-HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE:
A young Harry and his pals are entrusted by Dumbledore with the safekeeping of a curling stone once owned by Plato.They foolishly enter the inter house curling cup and almost beat Slytherin in the final until Harry hastily uses Platos stone and becomes clinically depressed trying to fathom out the futility of existence.Furious, Hermione refuses to let Harry copy her homework for a week while Ron kills his owl then shits in his pillowcase.
Churlish rating-12 monkeys
Verdict-Woh,Woh,Woh its magic.
19:00-LAIRD OF THE RINGS:
A brave young Scot living in Aberdeen discovers his destiny is to form a heroic group of adventurers and travel halfway across a faraway kingdom to destroy an evil ring of immense power,but cant be arsed when he finds it will affect his dole.
Churlish rating-20,000 leagues under the sea
Verdict-You shall not pass.
20:30-THE MEAN MACHINE:
Starring Tom Hanks in oscar winning form as a soft drink vending machine which becomes sentient after a freak electrical storm then refuses to refund any monies or give correct change.
Churlish rating-101 dalmations.
Verdict-Same shit Tom,different day.
22:00-PRIDE & PREJUDICE:
Samuel L Jackson stars as Sgt John Pride,an unorthadox LAPD cop who'll do whatever it takes to get the job done.
Whilst busting a crooked gang of scientists specialising in dodgy string theory he is sucked into an unstable wormhole and finds himself in England in 1797 inside the Bennett household.
In dealing with the misunderstandings and cultural diversity a black Los Angeles cop might expect to find in regency society(with hilarious consequences)John Pride becomes close to the five Bennett girls and vows to protect them from the advances of the rogue Mr Darcy.
Darcy is duly dispatched with extreme prejudice upon making the grevious error of greeting Sgt Pride with the regrettable phrase"What ho coco,got any jam".
Churlish rating-2 fast,2furious.
Verdict-Royale with cheese.
00:00-SMOKEY & THE BANDIT:
New York construction worker John "Smokey" Smoke(Tom Cruise)unwittingly becomes a gay icon after being pictured having a fizzy drink with his shirt off whilst on his break.His popularity leads to him being stalked by a psychopathic homosexual serial killer(Keanu Reeves)who has viciously bummed his last 6 victims to death.Tense edge of your seat thrills and as you would expect,an acting tour de force.
Churlish rating-9 and 1/2 weeks
Verdict-A pain in the arse.
posted by The Churlish One at 9:15 PM
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