A Salt Course.

The old platoon






What a weekend.
I had to go on a leadership course run by a grain of salt with special forces training.You know the setup,a group of bright young things have to survive in the wilderness constructing shelters out of earwax whilst making important decisions like who's shoe do we use to collect the drinking water in.(We chose the Doc Martin boot belonging to a scouse giraffe)
Early on we had to patner up to see how well we worked in pairs and as usual I got the short straw,his name was Eric and he came in very handy when it was my turn to drink out of the shoe,I'd just pop him in my mouth,poke him through one of the lace holes and suck up the tepid sweaty juice through his stripey slender body.If he minded at all he kept it to himself,but as my mother used to say"It's the quiet ones you've got to watch"then again she also used to say"My dentist is a penguin and I pay him in cheese"it may have been true,I never checked.
The course was going well until it came to the rock diving where we had to leap from a craggy outcrop 20 feet down into an icy pool of water entrusting our safety to the one who had jumped before us.Our instructor(the grain with the green beret)would lead the way and we would follow-that was the plan.With a cry of "Geronimo"he leapt into the chilly depths as we stood watching and waiting in vain for him to surface.
After about 3 hours we formed a think tank to plan our next move glad to be taking full advantage of our new found decision making prowess.6 hours later we had agreed to go to the pub as it was dark,we also voted 4 to 2 in favour of Gerald putting his right boot back on.(A task which would eat up another 2 hours of valuable drinking time-damn you Dr Martin.)We made it to the pub just before they stopped serving so I had a pint of scrumpy and Kestrel in a basket with chips.The police dropped by to let us know there was little hope of finding the body and as I covered my fries with copious amounts of salt I thought of our brave but very stupid teacher and a tear came to my eye.With him dead there was no chance of getting so much as my deposit back the tiny white sodium faced twat.