Less of a place,more a state of mind.

A stoat on the pan



People often ask where exactly are you coming from and I take it they mean where do you live you handsome dossbag.Anything else would be far too deep for me,being as I am shallower than a pool of larks vomit.
I could never fully reveal my location for fear of reprisals from nomadic platoons of rabid stoats angry from the times I used to goad them into eating stolen lego then laugh as the sharp plastic edges tore bloody retribution through their furry criminal bumholes.To this day you will never see a stoat in my neck of the woods sat on his arse playing lego.
I can however feed you some clues from my nosebag of illumination-Read on.
Let me tell you about a little place nestled deep in the sweaty underfolds of the armpit of the garden of England.Time stands still here as we celebrate our rich heritage,cultural diversity and many kebab shops.A place nay,a world where men are men and women have probably also been men or sheep or even a toilet roll and a pound of liver.This other eden,a haven for those with more chromosomes than most and a penchant for beastiality.Enter this portal of the fortunate few through the musty concrete lips of our only gateway the entrance to the birthplace of creation and possibly syphilis.A vibrant youth culture is not neutered here by the constraints of anything so outdated as a police force in fact we even closed the police station down so the petri dish environment they have is allowed to fester and flourish unhindered.No boundries,no laws-NO JOKE!Pass through the noxious pockets of airborne filth past a monument to the halcyon days of great British industry and into a world unlike anything that should be witnessed by human eyes or stoats arses.
I have already said too much,the stoats come ever closer well I say to hell with them and damn their scabby square shaped pouters,for I have mega bloks now,let their sphincters tremble.
I shall return one day with a deeper insight to this special land,farewell for now and as we say in this part of the world "death to the outsiders".