Bad hair day.

I'll never drink scrumpy again

Friday 19 May.

Ow ooh Christ thats a serious headache what the hell was I drinking last night I havent felt this rough since I drank diesel at a farmhands dinner and dance and then I woke up with a cow on my face and every time I exhaled its udders inflated.Shit 8:15 I'm going to be late for work get up,get up.Right into the shower ooh hot hot ahh thats better hmm nose feels a bit lumpy and my ears seem swollen I hope I didnt get into any fights last night.Okay thats enough out we're running late get dry and on with the old suit and tie.
8:30 not bad might even make it on time if I skip brekkie,eurgh got to brush my teeth my mouth tastes like I've been giving oral love to a menstruating badger.C'mon,c'mon come out of the tube you little bastard I know your in there just jump onto the brush and we are on our way.
What the fuck is that.Oh shit not today no,I've got the head of a sodding elephant again well this is great just what I need thank you god,thank you very much you bloody poo hole I bet Jesus never woke up after the last supper with the features of a pachyderm.Perhaps they wont notice it's casual Friday after all,twat of course they'll notice you've got an elephants head you daft prick it's not like an unsightly pimple,you're holding your toothbrush with your nose for christs sake.I've got to go if I call in sick they'll sack me for sure just stay calm breath deeply thats better.I'll make something up say somebody must have spiked my drink or something yeah that'll work just act really offended if someone draws attention to it like "thanks very much if it wasnt hard enough having large features without people like you mentioning it all the time"shame them into an apology yeah this could really work in my favour,think positive that's the key.
9:05 Five minutes late not bad considering the wind resistence on the bike.Nice and cool everythings normal yes nice and oh "Good morning","Hello","You know what they say big ears big.."easy,easy dont get cocky nearly at your desk.I do not believe it yes,yes get in there I am saved,Geoff from accounts has got a baboons arse for a face no one will give me a second glance now thank you lord sorry about earlier you know bad day and all that."Sorry I dont care if Geoff has got a cold he's not borrowing my hanky"bloody do gooders."Oi Geoff,how's it going shitface"ha ha great days.Roll on 5 o clock.